You guys, I had a really hard time with this decision. I hope it’s a cleaner and clearer and more compassionate set of emotions for you as you navigate deciding whether or not to freeze eggs. For me it was none of those things.
Truthfully, it’s probably because of how messy my emotional world was. Don’t get me wrong— I looked as close to perfect as you could get. Ivy league education, top in my law school class, top global law firm, well dressed, super social, fun and friendly… Recently I went on a walk with an old law school classmate and I began sharing about all the deep emotional work I’d been doing. She stopped, looked at me and said “I thought you had everything all together in law school. I had no idea.” Yup, my power of pretending was wildly successful. I even fooled myself for a long time. And, if it wasn’t for the pain of not finding love and feeling forever away from having kids, I wouldn’t have really uncovered the pain beneath the surface. So in terms of the silver lining of being tortured with a lack of love and babies, that was it.
But I digress.
I would typically think about whether to freeze eggs once I was already upset— a bad date, a painful breakup, a breakup that I wanted but was made painful because of this, a bad day, a hopeless night, a general malaise… So my starting point was rarely carefree, clear and rational. I would barge at the decision like a last resort, a mark of my unlovability, or my punishment for being picky. And if you’ve ever tried to make a decision from emotional despair (or even just emotional drain), you know it’s near impossible.
I spent nearly a decade debating whether or not to freeze my eggs. At times it was torture, and at times it wasn’t too bad. But it was always there. Both a haunting and a hope. I never felt peace with where I was, which meant it was always a drain on my energy.
I let this decision have a lot of power over me.
And finally making the decision left me feeling complete, at peace and like I had space and energy to go after what I wanted. This is why I created this course— to bring some light to these dark days I experienced, and offer each of you a path to peace.
Need help bringing light to your dark days (or years) of deciding? Click here to learn more about the course.
